There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
