i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
