i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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