Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
