your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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