You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
