she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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