I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
