i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
