im six kinds of drunk right now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
