First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm bleeding and have questions
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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