We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
