lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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