So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
