I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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