Me. At least after what I've been through.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
