I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
