Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
