i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
