I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
