dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
