my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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