he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
