I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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