Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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