i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
