i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
