I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
