Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
