we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
