She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
