some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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