After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
