I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
