From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
