is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
