Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
