I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
