Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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