do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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