I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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