it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
