mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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