You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
