At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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