u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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