i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
