He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
