I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
