She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
