i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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