Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
