Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
