just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
