He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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