she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
