my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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