My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
a search helicopter?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
