Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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