she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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