shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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